Style: prog metal (mostly clean vocals)
Recommended for fans of: Devin Townsend, Avantasia
Review by: Andy
Country: United States-WI
Release date: 11 August, 2023
Music is a serious art form. I do not tolerate silly, goofy, or funny; leave the tomfoolery at home. On my search for the most insufferably pretentious, self-righteous avant-garde music in the history of the entire world, I do occasionally stumble across the dreaded silly album–unfortunately. Facetiously, I want to say that goofy music does have a time (never) and place (the garbage), but silliness and prog are tied together at the roots in several ways, from the satirically funny Zappa to the lunacy of Devin Townsend both in the studio and on stage. Does Panda Kingdom appropriately wield humor to be next in line of a long legacy of over-the-top progressive music, or does it distract from the music within?
Keith D (Arctic Sleep, Unearthed Elf) assembles a glorious septet of singers to chronicle the tale of the Panda Kingdom. Panda Kingdom is an attempt to maximize The Epic™. The tracks all feature huge open chords, vibrant textures, choral backings, a large cast of singers, and slow, bombastic guitar solos. And for the first couple tracks, this approach works! All the bombast triumphantly rings out in a manner redolent of Devin Townsend’s Empath. The vocalists in particular work super well together, and even the harsh vocals of Koth Dolgomoru feel like a reasonable addition to change up the hyper melodic, major chord music.
But everything bad catches up to Panda Kingdom at once on “Thy Decree”: on that track I realize that every song is at the same medium pace, that the spoken word sounds like it would be appropriate for a Dr. Seuss movie adaptation and is skin-crawlingly cringe-inducing, and that the production is unacceptably loud. First, the middling pace becomes unsustainable and annoying, especially since the absurdly cheesy, saccharine music never once utilizes a minor chord. This isn’t the good type of sickly sweet I like in my music either, mind you. This is like snorting a packet of Stevia: a disgusting, nauseating sweetness.
Next, the spoken word… my god, the spoken word. I know I am not the target audience for silly prog, but I can enjoy a bit of goofiness. However, when every track has so much cheesy spoken word talking about a ridiculous story I don’t care about and would rather ignore, I just cannot help but complain. Panda Kingdom and Tim Wells (the narrator) are ridiculous, and not in the good, absurdist way. If I could never hear spoken word in a prog metal album again, I’d be a happy man.
Finally, the production. The instruments are all a bit hollow, feeling like they only exist as a playground for the vocalists–thankfully the vocalists do try their damndest to elevate the album from mediocrity with some stellar performances, especially on “Thy Decree” and “Thy Feast” at around 5:40. But the production is woefully, inexcusably loud with a terrible drum tone to boot. Except for the singers who remain consistently above the instruments, the guitars, bass, and drums become a sort of noisy mush. I hypothesize that this loudness is an attempt to maximize the epicness in a wall of sound approach similar to Devy, but Panda Kingdom don’t have the resources or skill to match his production. Moreover, with the pace being a consistent crawl, the production kills any other enjoyment, and Panda Kingdom quickly becomes fatiguing to listen to.
I like epic music as much as the next guy (even if I like silly a bit less), and Panda Kingdom certainly give it their all. I won’t get mad at them for not even trying like many recent reviews. “Thy Sceptre of Regal Wisdom and Resplendent Triumph” really does nail the epic with its ending choral crescendo, and guitar solos throughout the album are enjoyable and triumphant. But I just cannot wholeheartedly recommend Panda Kingdom as much as I’d like to.
Recommended tracks: Thy Majestic Procession, Thy Castle, Thy Sceptre of Regal Wisdom and Resplendent Triumph
You may also like: Arctic Sleep, Geres, Max Enix (how have I reviewed so much similar stuff)
Final verdict: 4/10
Related links: Bandcamp | Spotify | Facebook
Label: Dripfeed Records – Official Website
Panda Kingdom is:
KEITH D as Froggus, Thy Panda King, and Thy Choir.
ARNAUD MENARD as Coyotocon.
MAURO ELIAS as Brewver.
CAROLINA PADRON as PieMag.
KOTH DOLGOMORU as Kat K’tuss.
TIM WELLS as Thy Narrator.
SARAH SMALKOWSKI as Thy Choir.
Music and lyrics written by KEITH D
All instruments performed by KEITH D (Guitars, Bass, Drums, Midi Orchestra)
0 Comments